Becoming PLinus

Hey you, The how are you? How has this week been? Mine has been a roller-coaster  of emotions. I got so mad at God this week and I threw a huge tantrum at God. i even wrote him a letter. I thought i should share it with you.   Dear Abba, I am tired. Tired of trying. Tired of trying to be. I’ll just want to give up and give in. It’s fucking hard trying to fight the darkness. I know you said I am light, and I honestly try to believe that, but the struggle to be who you said I am, is real.  It’s much easier being this person I am now than the person I envision myself to be. It’s something my fellow Christians will call darkness, but somehow I feel safe in it. It’s not like I feel comfortable around them anyways; they look at me funny and make some negative remarks about me under their breath. But these other people, they don’t look at me funny. Most of them don’t judge me. Do you know they enjoy my fucked up jokes? They understand me when I talk about m...

Hey you, I have been thinking recently about the whole idea of vulnerability. To be sincere, I find it a bit scary. I mean, letting someone see the side of you that is not pretty, brave, confident, and positive. You know what is scarier?   Being vulnerable with the wrong person. Vulnerability might be scary, but it is refreshing and peaceful to completely, genuinely, and thoughtlessly fall apart and let your guards and walls down around a particular someone or people. I see the beauty in letting someone know you and deliberately show someone who you really are. You might nurse the fear of losing this someone if he/she does not like what he/she sees still you let your guards down.   You are just grateful for the opportunity to be free, even at the risk of facing judgment from another person. It is BLISSFUL !!! The truth is, most of us grow up and grow old without ever experiencing the bliss of letting our walls down for just a second. We live our lives longi...